“The Bleeps and Blips of Life” is about a struggling family having to deal with the eventual death of their father who is in a coma. Throughout the entire story, I thought you did a good job with the descriptions, whether it be the linoleum floors or describing the heart monitors and ventilators, most of the descriptions seemed to get the job done in a precise manor.
I enjoyed the tension between the sisters, it was especially drama pact because all of the arguing they were doing was in front of their dying dad, and not being able to reconcile their past and be at piece with each other makes the hospital situation even more intense.
I thought there needed to be more back story on the dad and mom. Tell us how he got into a coma specifically, not just that he has cancer. And maybe even give us another flashback that portrays that dad was such an amazing character, giving that much more emotion into the hospital situation.
The mom left me with a few questions as well. Does she ever do anything about her ex-husband being in the hospital? Just conclude the mom situation with something more concrete, such as she might have come to the hospital and cried about him, but had to leave because se couldn’t stand to watch him like that.
The dialogue was also very fluid and believable, I think that is a major part in the overall effectiveness of this story. Continue to build the tensions with the sisters and add in more back story and I think you will have more effective piece.
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