Response to Alyson Smith's "Kids"

       The beginning of “Kids” reminded me of of several younger teens getting ready in the morning for school or a similar event. It took me a while to realize the setting and why Jenny, the narrator, had met these girls three days ago. It felt like they were family, so I would clarify where these people are in the first page or page and a half to help clarify some of the confusion. I thought the story did a good job with various short, but vivid descriptions that were effective that I would like to see more of, such as on page five when when the narrator explains “Jeremy grinned, sat back, and stuck a grape in his mouth. In context to the situation, this is a perfect description that gives us all the detail we need. Use more of these in the first few pages in instances such as when Lauren talks about hair dye and when she also talks about being prepared for her period. I thought ,on page two, when the narrator mentions Mary blow drying her hair and about how everyone will be getting wet anyway, that there were sexual undertones here, possibly hinting at the ending. Also, when the group begins their first activity block, the reference to the boys getting the girls wet reminded me of that as well.

Overall, I thought you have a good situation here, but not enough character development or tension. I did enjoy the counselor listening to Little Wayne at a church camp, good contrast, somewhat ironic.   The fact that the narrator likes Jeremy is a start, but with all the characters I kind of got distracted with everyones opinion of everyone else. The ending to me is a good way of saying that Jenna is the girl who wants to take the guy away from another girl. I wasn’t sure why the narrator thought she was a bitch unless it was because she knew Morgan like Chandler. I think you need to make a bigger connection between the ending and narrator, and after including more tension and character development, this church camp situation will feel more like an iron church camp story.