“Baking cookies” starts off as a typical mom and son situation, in the kitchen baking cookies and talking back in forth. The dialogue was believable and I thought that was a strong point throughout the entire piece. I was a little confused on how old the narrator was. Even though he was calling his mom Mommy he sounded like he was younger. I eventually figured out that the narrator was “slow” although I am not really sure what that is supposed to mean. I think clarifying this would add a good sense of awareness to the story. During the baking scene, I thought the unexpected turn of the mom being perverted was a little weird, but in a good way. I’ve never read something that revolved around a separated mother that likes to play with kids in a not so kid-like way. It did take me a while to realize what the mom was doing, so maybe emphasis this even more in revisions. I enjoyed the tone used by the narrator, talking from the point of view of a younger person who is slow, it worked nicely. I began to think that some of the descriptions were a little tedious, they sometimes began to sound like directions. For example, when in the kitchen, I don’t think it is necessary to explain every step of jumping off the counter, breaking egg one and then egg two in the exact manner that you did. I think more brief, precise descriptions would do well here and move the focus to where it should be on the mom and narrator. I also enjoyed how the beginning of the story set up for the dramatic twist by making the mother seem very normal and simply loving and caring. I did not see much character development from the narrator or mother, as they both seemed to be the same person at the end. Try to create more of this and you will have a more complete story.
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