Thursday, March 29, 2012

Response to Janelle Green's "Safe"


“Safe” was a relatively simple story that involves a girl who haas had a difficult relationship with her father and finds her comfort in presence of her brother and dog. A few things I enjoyed about the story were the descriptions of how the intruder came into the house, how the daughter’s dog was her kind of soul mate and how the father was described as sort of a loner and someone who just wasn’t right for the type of family they wanted. 
There are a few grammatical errors that make the story more confusing than it should be. Comma splices, the use of the word like and really a lot also make the story have sort of a child like perspective that I do not think you want it to be. 
I felt that character development was there, but lacking at the same time. I want to see more of the brother and sister relationship, as well as both of them with the dog, possibly a scene with all three of them and then the dad pops in unwanted. I want to know what the sister wants from the dad and how either happens or doesn’t. The current ending explains that the dad will likely not change with his awful behavior, but I think if you provide more detail on how the daughter changes with the brother in regards to the relationship between the dad, you will have a much more complete story.

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