Response to Shelby Rice's "Beyond the Line"

     I enjoyed the great description you have in your piece. Although I have never been in a combat situation, the descriptions of the base and the command post and barracks were all very believable and full of vivid, yet concise descriptions. The first page also sets up the story nicely with the tension of whether the husband will make it home back to her wife.I was hoping for more of that back story within this piece, because when you mention Sophie, it gives the husband more drive to continue his mission and try to get home safely and see her. I thought the ending showed a little more of this, but perhaps if you added a scene of her at home alone waiting for him or another scene before he left, it would add even more tension to an already effective idea. 

The descriptions of how Isaac thinks and runs the numbers through his head to decide where to fire is also a very interesting description. It is a point of view that you might not think about too much in relations to the army, and to see something that feels and sounds realistic makes it very believable. 

Another suggestions I have to add another dynamic to Isaac is to show his thoughts even more. Most specifically, maybe show him break down mentally because he thinks he made a miscalculation or the timing was off, something like that would add more tension.

I didn’t have too many issues with grammar and punctuation either, very clean and precise. The dialogue was also very strong and made me think that army personnel were talking back and forth.

Overall, I would try to tie in Sophie a little more and maybe include more of the ending, does something else happen before he gets home to Sophie? Maybe he thinks he is going home, but finds out he can’t. But continue the great descriptions and dialogue, all of the elements used within this piece was effective to the point where I will try to make my own pieces like this.