Cole Stuart's "Vacation from Boyhood" Response

The overall style in “Vacation from Boyhood” was very engaging, but seemed a little awkward, and at times, hard to read. I felt there were multiple phrases that could be erases in order for certain moments to be more clearly explained in a concise manner. Repetition was also a concern for me, as this is sometimes a clever device to use. In the cases I outlined in the manuscript however, it was not used in an effective way. I would look back over the piece and simply find another word to replace those instances with.

I did appreciate the wilderness aspect to the story. Whenever the characters would explain how they were attempting to be more manly and masculine, it added this comical, yet serious vision to the story. 

The dialogue I felt could have been revised a bit more. After the exercises in class, and having read lots of dialogue myself everyday, I think that with a few tweaks to make the dialogue more understandable and simple, that the entire story will make much more sense and have a simple tone to it. This also brings me to the point of complexity with this story. Some word choice, such as “voluptuous rolling hills,” and “discernible civilization,” could likely be replaced with more simple words, and there are numerous other situations that would also benefit from revisions like this. 

The moment when the main character says, “I’m really strong,” was a terrific portrait of the characters persona. He wanted to get away from civilization in order to attempt another adventure from his childhood, and this phrase gives insight on how sure of himself he is about his adventure. 

The last sentence is one that perfectly defines what the story is trying to be, but does not have yet. “And that is how I burned down a Wisconsin ice fishing cabin,” is a simple sentence, and yet is funny enough to explain the ending of the story. I believe there are many examples, such as the gas station station scene, that can be cut down and simplified like this very sentence. The ending also gives hints of the comical seriousness that is seen throughout the story of the boys trying to act like many men. Emphasize these moments more and I believe you will have a stronger piece.